Out of My Hands
by UnapologeticMS
Summary: This story comes from Opie's heartbreak following Donna's death and spans the following year. It's about Opie's redemption, about reconnecting with an old friend (OC) who helps him rebuild his life.
1. Chapter 1

1 – Difficult Kind

"I don't know what to do, Nelly." Opie heard his wife say, as he walked into the house from the garage. The anxiety in her words stopped Ope cold in his tracks. He could picture Donna and her best friend of twenty year sitting at their kitchen table, leaning towards each other over tall glasses of iced tea, his wife's brunette hair and petite frame in stark contrast to Nelly's auburn curls and long limbs. He witnessed this scene often enough to imagine it clearly.

"You're between a rock and a hard place, Donna, I get it." He heard Nelly's cool, calm voice. "But honey, you've already made the choice when you stuck with him while he was in prison."

"Oh, Nelly, everything is so simple to you."

"How is it not simple? Why would you wait for him through the heartache, and raise two babies on your own, if you didn't love him?"

"Of course I love him." Opie smiled at indignation in Donna's voice. "He's the father of my kids, the first and only man I've ever been with."

The first and only man. The back of Opie's neck burned at the memory of _his_ first time, when he was nearly seventeen, in a wood-panelled back room of the clubhouse, with a lovely young girl who grew into the woman his wife was talking to at this very moment. He was called Harry then and Nelly was his first love, as he was hers. They both thought their awkward tenderness had bonded them for life, tethered them for all eternity. They were torn from each other soon after when she disappeared abruptly without a trace, kidnapped by her own father. He searched for Nel for months, until there was nothing else he could do. When Nelly left, Donna and Ope grieved together and slowly fell in love. She's been gone the better part of the next fourteen years, moving back to Charming soon after he was put away, reconnecting with Donna and helping her with the kids. Whatever happened between them in the past didn't bother Donna, so he too put it behind him, packed it away along with the guilt for moving on. Nowadays, the only link connecting him to Nelly was their shared affection for Donna and the kids. And the fact that their houses faced each other across the street.

Nelly's voice brought him back to the present. "If you want to make it work, Donna, then you've got to accept him for who he is, SAMCRO and all. You know it's part of him, it'll always be. And in spite of that he tried going straight, because that's what you've asked of him and because he loves you."

"I know that, but Opie spent five years in prison because of SAMCRO and I can't bear it to happen again, or worse. So, my choice is to live with the risk of loosing him again or to tear my family apart."

"Your man is not a fool. Give him a chance to work it out his way." There was no response from Donna. Nelly gave a big sigh and added, "Whatever happens, I'm here for you."

Opie's heard enough. He pulled on the door and slammed it loudly, calling out, "Donna, I'm home." His deep voice echoed down the hall to the kitchen, but he didn't go to meet them, heading instead for the shower. He wasn't quite ready to face their scrutiny. By the time he was done, Nelly was gone and Donna was packing. That caught him by surprise.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like? I'm taking kids to my mom's. We'll stay with her for a while. I need time to think."

"What is there to think about? I love you, Donna, I love our kids. I'm going back to Sons, because it's all I know, it's who I am. And it's the best way I can provide for this family." Donna looked back with painful indecision, saying nothing. "If you can't get behind that, then keep packing." It hurt Ope to say those words, but he didn't want Donna to be undecided. He wanted her to stay, because _she_ wanted it. "Where are my kids? I wanna see them."

"At Nelly's." Donna turned away to throw more toys into a cardboard box. She waited for her husband to leave before she started weeping.


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I don't own SofA or any of the characters/places in this story, with exception of Nelly. And I've made up names for Donna&Opie's kids, 'cause that's how I roll._

Chapter 2

Opie crossed the narrow street separating their house from the neighbours. Nelly's was smaller than theirs, but well kept. She lived on her own, men coming into her life infrequently, usually divorced dads of the kids she taught in the junior public school Molly and Toby were attending. Opie often wondered why that was the case, why Nelly hasn't settled down, started a family, why she dated those dead-beats. He knew she was smarter than that, but she was no longer the easygoing flower-child he knew in high school. Nowadays, Nelly was quiet and subdued, with a thick wall constantly surrounding her. Many nights, when he came home well after midnight, he glimpsed her sitting in the shadows of her front porch. Always alone. At those times he wondered what happened to Nelly while she was away, to change her so much from the carefree girl he remembered.

As he opened the front gate of Nelly's miniscule front yard, Opie heard his children's laughter drifting through on open window. They were playing dress-up, with Toby being a knight to Molly's princess. The kids loved Nelly and she was always full of fun ideas to occupy their time. In many ways, Opie was grateful that Nelly was there for his family when he couldn't be, when Donna's own family and his mother turned their backs on them. He knocked on the door and walked in without being asked.

"How are my little monkeys?" The kids were happy to see him, even if still a little shy. Toby ran over to give him a big hug, while Molly smiled with her whole mouth and said, "Hi, daddy."

"Everything ok?" Nelly asked after children had ran off to play.

"Yeah, you know, the usual." He tried to make it sound casual. "Donna's packing."  
>"Shit," Nelly whispered under her breath, so the kids wouldn't hear. "Give her time, Harry. She'll come out of it on the right end."<p>

His old name fell unguarded from her lips again. No one else called him that anymore, not even Donna. Old habits die hard, he figured.

"I don't know, Nelly." Ope shook his head, recalling that she told Donna the same thing. She obviously wished them well, believing they would patch things up.

"You two are a pair of stubborn mules, each pulling in the opposite direction." She whispered, as they watched the kids. "Life is short, Ope. You'd already lost five years. Don't waste any more time."  
>"You may want to tell her that."<p>

"And you think I don't? Work with her to find the middle ground, you all deserve that."

Easier said than done, thought Opie as he gathered up his kids.

Later that day, Donna looked him in the eye and told him she was ready to rejoin Sam Crow family. He couldn't be happier. Finally his double life was over, but more importantly, it meant that his family would stay intact. He had always loved Donna, never strayed, never had a reason or desire to. Now that she has accepted him whole, loved him whole, it stoked the fire of his devotion. From that day he was a new man, joining his brothers in clear conscience. Still, from time to time, a little voice in the back of his head whispered of risks and dangers of the path he chose. Than all of it came crashing down when the ATF agents visited Donna and threaten their new-found stability.

Nelly watched from the darkness of her porch as Donna, Opie and their two children were loaded into a government-issue black Suburban. Ope wasn't handcuffed, but she could see a stubborn grimness in the set of his jaw, his defiance in the rigid set of his shoulders. Nelly stepped out of the shadows just in time to make eye contact with Donna, who gave her a barely perceptible shake of the head, her face drawn with anxiety in the orange glow of a street light. Nelly was worried sick. The next morning she called up Chief Unser, who she knew was in Sam Crow's pocket, and was told he was off duty. Then Deputy Hale told her politely to get lost. Her fear returned when Jax came around later that day, asking about what she saw. She told him she saw nothing, but the next door neighbour didn't spare the details. Regardless of what she did see that night, Nelly couldn't imagine Opie becoming a turncoat.

As if by some miracle, Donna and her family returned home in the evening. Nelly crossed the street and knocked on their door, eager to be reassured. Opie was already on his way to the club and Donna was putting their kids to bed.

"I was so scared, Nelly. I thought they would lock up Opie and throw away the key."

"What happened?" She had to ask.

Donna stopped what she was doing when she heard Nelly's question and took a step closer, as if afraid to be overheard. "They've asked Opie to testify against the club and offered us witness protection."

Nelly couldn't stop a shocked intake of breath. Considering Donna's doubts and desire for a simple life, she was beginning to think that maybe Opie accepted that offer.

Donna continued unprompted. "I was tempted, believe me, but Opie would never do it. It would kill him. He refused to be bullied into ratting on his brothers. And you know what? I'm proud of him for sticking to his guns. These government goons used us, set us against each other only to get to Sam Crow." Angry words were spewing from Donna's lips, becoming louder as she grew more aggravated. "I'm behind Opie now, all the way, for better or for worse. Uncle Sam can kiss my ass."


	3. Chapter 3

In the midst of a the ATF threat to Sam Crow, Jax was bringing his son, Abel, home from the hospital after a lengthy stay in the "toaster." The baby was born prematurely and with many defects. The fact that he was alive and well was a big victory and a reason for celebration. Jax was like a brother to Opie, and Donna wanted their family to be present, involved.

After the party, Opie gave Donna a lingering kiss as he handed her keys to the pick-up. His wife wanted to help Jax's mother, Gemma, with after-party clean up and Ope was eager at a chance to spend some time with the kids and put them to bed. It wasn't something he could do often, and the simple task made him feel like the daddy he always hoped to be. Toby and Molly were asleep in no time, knackered out from a day of partying, while Opie sat in his backyard, sipping a cold beer and basking in the contentment of his new life. That's when he got the call. It was Jax. "There was a shooting, Opie. Something happened to Donna." In a blind panic he ran across the street to Nelly's house, hammered on her front door.

"What's wrong?" He saw naked fear in her eyes.

"I got a call, something happened to Donna." He felt brain-dead as he repeated Jax's words. "I can't help but think the worst. Please stay with the kids."

"Oh, dear God... Go." Nelly grabbed a key ring from a hook next to the door and locked it. She followed Opie across the street. While he got on his bike, Nelly was already closing behind her the front door of his house.

Later that night, Jax followed Opie home. Even if the big man said he wanted to be alone, Jax couldn't just let him go on his own. Donna was dead from bullets meant for Opie's head. It was the last thing anyone expected, and it shattered Opie. Jax was furious, but above all else, his heart was breaking for his brother. He didn't know what he'd do if it was Tara in that bodybag. He watched from his bike as Opie parked on the driveway and sat there for a few long moments with his head in his hands. Finally, the big man slowly climbed off the bike. Even before he got to the front door, Nelly was already in it. She must have been waiting, listening for the rumble of his return. Opie approached her with a heavy step and as he told her what happened, Nelly covered her mouth and chocked on a sob. Opie reached for her and she collapsed into his embrace, their shadows merging into one, shaken by the force of their shared grief. Feeling like a trespasser, Jax fired up the bike and got on his way.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 – Let it be me

Opie and Nelly soon parted ways, each retreating to grieve alone. He stayed up all night, and it was hard, but the day that followed was harder. The flurry of well-wishers, with their sympathy and kindness, was wearing him down. The hardest of all was not his own pain, his overwhelming guilt, but the sad faces of his children. Ope wasn't sure if they comprehended that their mom was never coming back, but the fact that they were quiet and almost invisible made him think that maybe they did. All of the sudden, the house was too small. He didn't know where to go, so he grabbed a pack of smokes and headed for a narrow garden gate across the street.

A little while later, Nelly found him sitting on the steps of her back porch, cigarette in his hand, hair shading his eyes. She stepped out before she noticed him and wished she didn't disturb him. Her own grief was still too raw, too new. Opie barely turned his head when he spoke to her. "Hope you don't mind if I'll sit here for a while. The house is too full."

"Stay as long as you like." She hesitated, then asked. "How are Molly and Toby?"

"They are hurting, Nel," It pained him just to think about it. "Toby's been crying most of the day, Molly won't say a word."

"I'm so sorry, Harry." He heard Nelly whisper, tears cracking her voice. "Let me know if there's anything I can do."

She turned to leave, but Opie realized he wanted her company. He laid his hand on the step next to him and said, "Stay."

"I thought you came here to be alone." Nelly gave him a sad shadow of a smile.

"I guess not."

Again she hesitated and then joined him. He offered his cigarette, but she refused. They sat in silence, looking out on the blooming crab-apple trees crowding her backyard.

"How are you doing?" Opie asked finally.

"I should be asking you."

"Don't ask." Opie shook his head. His eyes filed with tears and he swallowed them back. "If I'll start talking, I might not be able to stop."

Nelly looked at him, grief and worry creasing her eyes. "If you need to talk, Opie, I'm here."

He let out a long ragged breath, his face tilted up to the noon sun, and tears rolled down the sides of his face. How could he express what he felt? The monster balled up in his gut: the rage, the remorse, the sorrow of it all. "I should have stopped when she asked me to. She'd still be alive. It's all my fault."

It was turn for Nelly's tears. "No one's blaming you, Opie." She whispered and let them fall. "You didn't pull the trigger."

"I might as well have."

"Don't put this on yourself. Toby and Molly need their dad. You can't give up, for their sake if nothing else."

"Their mother is gone, she's dead because of me, Nelly." Opie couldn't hold it in anymore. He sobbed as he balled up on himself, covering his head with his arms. "I'd do anything to bring her back, and I can't."

He felt Nelly's hand touch his back, stroking it up and down the length of his tense muscles, soothing him like a child. Oh, how much he wanted this comfort right now. How much he wanted someone to make it all better, if only for a little while. Opie couldn't help leaning towards her and resting his aching head in her lap. The big man encircled her waist with his arms and cried his heart out as she embraced him and made soothing noises. And even though Nelly's hot tears seared the back of his neck, for those few moments he felt lighter. Before Ope was ready to let go, he felt someone's presence in the little garden and turned to it. Jax was standing at the gate, tentative in his approach. "Everyone's been looking for you, bro." He said quietly and left.

"I better go." Opie ran his hands down his face, then back up through his hair. After a second thought, he added. "Come. Toby and Molly will be glad to see you."

The tears were still fresh in her eyes. "I'll be there soon."

He understood. He wouldn't be going back if he didn't have to, and with a small nod of thanks he headed back to his aggrieved household.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

As Nelly entered the house, she understood why Opie looked for an escape. It was literally full of people. She had to squeeze her way through the crowd, with someone stopping her every step of the way to offer condolences. Ope was standing in the kitchen with his SAMCRO brothers, towering over everyone, and Nelly could swear she saw relief in his eyes when they met hers. Then she noticed Jax watching her thoughtfully and decided to avoid them both. Instead, she headed to the kids' room. As their father told her, Toby and Molly were unnaturally quiet, seemingly overwhelmed by all the commotion. She managed to convince them to get out to the yard, get on the swing set. They drifted on the swings without any joy at the wind in their hair, and Nelly didn't have the heart to feign cheerfulness. As they moved to the sandbox, the most she could do is dispense cuddles and kisses, and still, the kids didn't talk.

She was sitting in the lawn chair by the sand box when Jax came to her. They'd been friends in high school, and often double dated. She and Harry, Jax and Tara. An echo of a life not lived. He sat down in a chair next to her and they watched the kids in silence for a while.

"Your mom died in a car crash when you were about Molly's age, isn't that right?" He asked her quietly.  
>"That's right." Charming was a small town, everybody knew everything.<br>"So you get what they're going through."

She just nodded, unsure of where he was going with this.

"How are you doing?"

She was sick of hearing that question, but knew that he, of all people, asked sincerely.

"I'm coping, Jax. Trying to be here for the kids. Relieve Harry and his mother." That name slipped out again and Nelly saw an uneasy shadow cross Jax's face when he heard it.

"How is Ope doing?"

"He lost his wife. How do you think he's doing?" She felt hot impatience bubbling up in her.

"I know you two have history and all. I can imagine you care for him still." Jax whispered, watching the kids.

"That was a lifetime ago. What of it?"

"All I'm saying is, don't break his heart."

"That job's been done already, don't you think?" Nelly snapped, for the moment caring more about Opie and less about the accusation. And then she backtracked, appalled. "Do you think I've been bidding my time? That I'm waiting to step into Donna's shoes, to fill the void in his bed?"

Angry tears flooded her eyes and Jax bowed his head, suddenly looking ashamed.

"I'm sorry, Nelly. I know you're ok, I'm just protective of Ope."

"Donna was like a sister to me, Jax, like Opie's a brother to you. I love these kids, I've helped to raise them."  
>"I know what you've done for this family, Nelly, I've seen it."<br>"And yet you accuse me of planning to seduce Opie when he's most vulnerable." I'm not Tara, she almost said, but bit back the words. Jax never set out to hurt her.

"I'm sorry." Jax grasped her hand, sincere apology in his eyes. "I'm just an asshole trying to look out for his best friend."

"Well, you don't need to worry about me." She pulled her hand out of his grip, stung by his suspicion. "Your energy will be better spent on finding the bastard who killed Donna."

Jax gave her a long thoughtful look, and then in his slow wise way he said, "Ok." Nelly heard finality in the word and knew he wouldn't doubt her again. And with that he left.

As Nelly sat there, feeling as heartbroken as the kids, eight-year-old Molly came to her and climbed into her lap. "Where is mommy? When is she coming back?" she asked.

"Your mommy was in an accident and she died, baby." It was best to tell the truth, Nelly knew that.

Molly's eyes filled with tears and she sniffled. "But who will take care of us now?"

"All the people who love you: your daddy, your grandma and pops. Your aunties and uncles."  
>"You too?"<p>

"Me too, sweetie." Nelly smoothed the girl's hair and wiped her nose. "You don't need to worry."

"But no one is talking to us." Molly said earnestly. How right she was.

"That's because we are all very sad, Molly, like you are."

"I miss mommy," she said as the corners of her mouth fell. She leaned into Nelly and started to cry.

"Me too, baby, me too..." Whispered Nel, as she held her.

Toby came over and hugged his sister. "Don't cry, Molly. Mommy will make it better."

Nelly had a hard time holding back the tears, but someone had to be strong for these kids. Their mother was gone, and everyone was too wrapped up in their own grief to pay attention to theirs.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

In the weeks that followed Nelly wished she could do more for Opie and his kids, yet she knew it wasn't her place to do it. Mary took over the care of her grandchildren, but they visited Nelly every weekend and she was always glad to have them. Sometimes she took them to school in the mornings and at times brought them back home, filled in for Mary or Piney in times of emergency. She saw less and less of Opie, and when she did, they hardly spoke, exchanging only a few word. It was painfully obvious he was wasting away, becoming thin and haggard, his eyes dead and grim all the time. His grief consumed him, pushed him away from his kids, and she heard he got in the habit of sleeping at the club. Nelly wanted to help him somehow, but Jax's warning had taken seed and kept her away. Instead, Nelly concentrated on moving on. She missed Donna terribly. Their lives were so intertwined that her best friend's absence left gaping holes in Nelly's day, and she tried to fill them with work.

Then July came, school was out, and Nelly had all the time in the world. Mary got tired of full-time baby sitting, started calling in sick every other day, complained that Opie was never around. That's when Jax called Nel, looking for help.

"Opie and I don't see eye to eye lately," his voice was tense and his breaths clipped, "and he refused to hear me out, but someone needs to talk to him about this. He needs to check his priories. Mary told me she's had enough and there's no one else willing to take care of these kids."

"There's me, but I'm not sure you're ok with that." Whatever friendship they've had was strained during that conversation in Opie's backyard.

"You've made your point," Jax snapped impatiently. "But Ope needs to come home and take responsibility for his own children. Please, just talk to him."

"What makes you think he'll listen to me?"

"Just try."

Nelly walked over to Opie's house as soon as she finished speaking with Jax. Mary was getting ready to leave and was overjoyed when Nelly showed up on the doorstep. She bolted in a matter of minutes, and since Opie wasn't home, Nelly packed the kids into her Golf and headed to the club. She'd ambush him and he would either cave in and listen or he'd never speak to her again, but that was the risk she had to take. She parked in front of the club and asked Gemma to watch the kids.

As Nelly stepped through the big black door into the smokey confines of the club, a lead ball formed in the pit of her stomach. She hasn't been back here since those days with Harry when she was sixteen, but the club looked and felt the same, it smelled of the same lingering stink of booze and cigars. Most of the Sons were there and a hush fell over them when she walked in. Jax sat perched on a stool by the bar, smoking a cigarette. His eyes lit up at the sight of her.

"Where is he?", she asked him.

"In the back," Jax answered and gestured to the back rooms of the club. Stealing herself with a deep breath, she crossed the expanse of the bar floor and headed for the short hallway leading there. It ended on another perpendicular one, and John Teller's sky-blue bike stood in a large niche in the wall where they met. Nelly looked to the row of doors and found one opened. She headed straight for it. When she reached the room she saw Opie sitting on the bed, his head down, his broad back curved in defeat. He looked up at her sharply, surprise in his eyes. Nelly had to grab the door frame to steady herself as a wave of vivid memories and nausea made her dizzy. All she could do is turn away and retreat.

For a moment Opie thought his mind had played a trick on him, but then he realized that what he saw was real. He hurried after Nelly and caught up to her in the short hallway leading to the bar. "Nelly, stop! What's wrong?" He asked as he touched her shoulder. It made her jump. There were tears in her eyes and her breath was coming quick and short. "Just that room... you in it..." She stumbled over words. "A mother-load of déjà vu**.**"

"Yeah, I know." A mix of long forgotten emotions swept over Opie, and he understood how she felt. He pushed it back with a question about the present. "What are you doing here, Nel?"

"Your mother left the kids with me and took off. She said she was tired of you not being around. I don't think she'll be coming back."

Opie swore under his breath as he rested his back against the wall. That's the last thing he needed. "Can you stay with them for a while? I'll pay you."

"I don't want your money!" She exclaimed, distressed. "I'll take care of them gladly, and I'll do it for their sake. I'll help you in any way I can, Opie, but Molly and Toby need their dad. You need to come home."

As long as he was at the club, immersed in its business, he felt he could cope. Facing his kids was too much for him to handle. "I can't do it, Nelly. I just can't."

"I know you're hurting, but you can't run from it forever." She came a step closer, not in the least intimidated by his imposing height, her eyes intent, her voice determined. "I have first hand experience of what a bereaved father's withdrawal can do to a child, and it's not a pretty picture."

"I'm numb, Nel, I've got nothing to give." That much was true. "It's out of my hands."

"You selfish bastard... Don't you see that they are grieving too? You better dig deep under all this self-pity and loathing to find some love and affection for these children." The anger in her voice, the way she stabbed her finger at this chest, made chinks in his armour. "And you better come home tonight, or I swear, I'll call Child Services and make sure you'll never see them again."

Opie realized that desperation drove Nelly to this point and he was certain she wasn't making empty threads. Something in him cracked. He'd already lost Donna, he couldn't bear loosing Molly and Toby too. He gave a resigned sigh and agreed. "Ok."

He saw her shoulders slump in relief as she backed off and propped herself against the opposite wall. "Ok?"

"I'll come home tonight. After my day's work is done here, I'm coming home, I promise." He assured her earnestly, and then decided he might as well start being a father. "Where are they? I'd like to see them."

Outside, Molly and Toby were sitting at one of the picnic tables. Opie went to his kids, knelt in front of them and embraced them both. While Nelly looked on relieved, Gemma came out of the office and joined her.

"You've got some balls, standing up to Ope, but you've done a good thing, Nelly."

"It's only the beginning, but I hope it'll last." Sighed the younger woman. "Thanks for keeping an eye on the kids, Gemma."  
>"Any time, honey." Gemma smiled at her. "You need anything, you give me a call."<p>

Nelly knew a show of good will when she saw one, and to get it from Gemma was a rare privilege. "Thanks, Gemma. I appreciate it."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Following his conversation with Nelly, Opie's day got very complicated. The Zobelle set-up went all wrong, and he was lucky not to be picked up along with the rest of the Sons. Opie watched his brothers being handcuffed and loaded into a police van, while Zobelle and his cronies went free. He chased the bastards, but a civilian car got in his way and Opie ended up crashing his bike. The big man landed on a car's windshield, and rolled off with a bruised back. Still, his bike was in a worse shape than he was.

When Opie finally made it home that night, he was sore and exhausted. It was the first time in weeks he's been to the house and he found it quiet and tidy, smelling of cookies. He half expected Donna to come out of the kitchen and greet him with a kiss. The loss he felt now was as intense and heartbreaking as on the night of his wife's death. Without Donna, this house was no longer his home. For a moment he regretted coming back and slumped down on a couch with a sigh. This is when he noticed Nelly come out of the kids' bedroom.

He was waiting for reproach, more of the scolding he got at the club, but instead she smiled and said, "It's good to see you, Opie," and then went to the fridge and got him a beer. He accepted it gratefully as she sat down next to him.

"Thanks for setting me straight. It couldn't have been easy on you."

"You should thank Jax. He put me up to it." She was obviously troubled by the rift between them. Opie didn't understand why Jax has been on edge since Donna's death, and it was beyond him to care.

"But you're the one who got through to me."

"Lucky break, I guess." Nelly shrugged, refusing to accept the credit, and then must have noticed his weariness, because her face became serious as she asked, "What happened, Opie?"

He took a breath and decided to tell her. "There was a mess up and all of the Sons have been booked. By some dumb luck I've managed to get away."

"Oh, no..." Nelly whispered, concerned. "What now?"

"Gemma is in touch with the lawyer, trying to get bail. I'll hold the fort at the shop." Opie shifted in his seat uncomfortably, his back objecting to the way his long body was settled on a couch. He needed to stretch out. "I think I'm gonna go lay down." He started to get up, but his muscles seized and he sat back with a groan.

"You're hurt." Nelly's green eyes widened.

"Just my back. Must have bruised some ribs when I fell off my bike."

Nelly's eyes became wider still, but all she said was, "Let me see," and taking his hand, helped him get to his feet. Opie pulled off his shirt and the whole right side of his back, from shoulder blade to hip bone, felt painful and swollen.

He didn't see Nelly's face, but heard her click her tongue and then say, "I'm going to check if you'd cracked any ribs. It'll hurt a bit." He felt her fingers, cool and daft, probing for bones under the skin. He ached all over, but when she pressed his bruises, the pain didn't intensify. And the pain he felt was good, reminded him he was still alive. She finished and said, "It seems nothing's broken. I'll get you an ice pack."

"No, I'll be fine." He refused to be coddled.

"You're the only Son left standing, Opie. You better be in shape to ride by tomorrow."

As a brother, he couldn't argue with Nelly's reasoning and was surprised by how well she understood what he did and how the club worked. "Good point."

He went to his bedroom and stretched out on his stomach across the king-sized bed, while Nellie rummaged through the freezer. She returned with a bag of something frozen, which she applied to his aching back. He sighed, part in pain, part in relief.

"Do you want me to hang around, just in case the kids need someone at night?" She asked tentatively.

"I'll be ok." He was slipping into sleep already. Nelly put a bottle of pain-killers and a phone next to his head and said, "Call me if you need anything. I'll be home."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 - Dreaming With a Broken Heart

Opie had every intention to take responsibility for his kids, but the dire situation of Sam Crow had put a damper on his plans and the first call he made the next morning was to Nelly. He needed her help while he took care of the shit-storm that hit the club. Once that had passed and his brothers were out on bail, Opie was determined to be a better father, to do it alone, but in a short time he realized that he was completely out of his element. He still felt detached from the world around him, and spending any time with his kids required an extraordinary amount of effort on his part. The big man was still getting to know his children when their mother died, and now he was thrust into being their only parent, but he realized he couldn't do it on his own. He didn't know what to do when Toby got sick or how to soothe Molly when she lost her favourite doll. He began asking Nelly for help, hesitant at first, not wanting to impose and ask another favour. As much as she was fond of them, they were not her responsibility. But their sad little faces lit up only when they stayed with her, and so Opie did what he could to keep them happy.

He was distracted as he took a vote at the Rosewood table. They had a gun run for the Irish and Jax wanted him on his crew. That meant he wouldn't be able to pick up Toby and Molly from school as he promised. There was no one else, and he had to get in touch with Nelly, feeling guilty about it already. He knew she was in class, so he fired off a text, _Can you get the kids after school and take them home? I've got to work. Let me know._

His phone buzzed a few minutes later. _Roger roger. Be safe. _His lips twitched in a smile at her reference to Star Wars, which they adored as kids, and Jax joined him just in time to see it.

"What's up?" He asked, hopeful.

It wasn't for him to know. "Nothing," said Opie, his mouth a grim line again.

"Some sweet-butt sexting you?" Jax joked.

"Something like that," Opie responded carelessly as he slipped the phone into his pocket, but Nelly's message warmed his heart. Gradually, he came to rely on Nel almost every day. He apologized often. She always told him not to. In time, they got into a routine, where on some days Nelly would be with Molly and Toby from morning pick up to bedtime and beyond, while Opie took care of the club business. Nelly would have minded if she had a life, but it seemed this _was_ her life now.

Every day was a struggle for Ope. Sleep eluded him, and when he slept, his dreams were troubled: reliving the past, searching for Donna, loosing her all over again. Then the big man woke up to an empty bed and a quiet house, and couldn't get back to sleep. One of those nights, in a desperate attempt to make some peace with Donna's passing, he went through the house and removed some of her presence, some of the things that still reminded him of her. In a little box under the bed he found her diaries. Opie's seen them around, but never read anything Donna wrote, and now that she was gone, he opened them and slowly flipped the pages. As he did, some sentences came alive, as though he could almost hear her voice. _Opie's the man for me, he's such a sweetheart... I miss Nelly so much, wish I could call her, talk to her... It breaks my heart that by the time Opie'll be out, our babies won't recognize him. It's so hard being away from him... Nelly's been such a big help, I don't know how I'd hold it together without her... My man will be home tomorrow and I can't wait to get my hands on him... _The last one made Opie smile, as he remembered the loving welcome his wife gave him when he returned from prison. He put the stack back together with elastic bands and hugged it to his chest. As his tears began to fall, Opie said goodbye to his wife for the last time.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 - Blackbird**

When Nelly came over in the morning, Opie was holding a stack of small books bound with elastic bands. Nel recognized them immediately as Donna's diaries. She knew that Donna had kept one ever since they were kids and wrote in it every day, even if it was just one sentence reflection of her day.

"I've been clearing out some of Donna's things and I found these," said Opie as he handed them over to Nelly. "You were her closest friend and I want you to have them."

Nelly fingered the spines lovingly, feeling her best friend's presence in the volumes. "Maybe you should keep them for Molly and Toby."

"You can share these with the kids when they get older, fill in the holes, tell them about the woman their mom was," Opie said hopefully. "In some ways you knew Donna better than I did, and I'm sure she told you more than she ever wrote in those diaries."

Nelly looked at him gratefully and her green eyes filled with tears. "It's a precious gift, Opie, thank you."

"That's the least I can do for everything you've done for us."

"Your family made me feel like I was part of it from the moment I returned to Charming," the tears fell and her voice began to break, "I'm returning the favour."

Opie's heart broke for Nelly as he closed the distance between them and embraced her, suddenly realizing how much Nelly must have suffered in these last few months. "I'm so sorry, Nel, for pushing you into taking care of us, when everything around you was a constant reminder of Donna. I'm sorry for not being there for you."

"I miss her so much, Opie." Nelly murmured through sobs, her head cradled under his chin, her arms around his waist. "It's so hard without her."

"I know, Nel. At least we've got each other."

The house was quiet when he came home that night. Nelly was not on the couch, as he was accustomed to finding her, with a book in one hand and cup of tea in the other. His first gut reaction was one of anxiety, but then he recognized the peaceful quiet of a slumbering household, and went to check on his kids and to look for Nelly. He found her and Toby sleeping in his king-sized bed. The boy was under a blanket, curled into her, while Nelly was lying on top of the cover with her arm over the child. The bedside lamp was still on and it cast a soft light on Nelly's serene face, all the grief and worries wiped clean. Her hair was spread around her head and glowed like a copper halo. Opie forgot how beautiful she was, and for a moment, he was lost in a vision of his personal angel. He shook his head to snap out of his reverie and went to get another blanket from the closet. He laid it over her gently and as he did, Nelly's eyes opened.

"I'm sorry, Opie, I didn't mean to fall asleep..."

"It's ok, I didn't mean to wake you." It broke Opie's heart that she was apologizing for taking care of his kids. "Go back to sleep."

She shook her head. "The neighbours will talk. So will Sam Crow."  
>"Let them. You and I know the truth."<p>

That seemed to convinced her, because she pulled up the blanket over her shoulder and asked. "What about you?"

"I'll take the couch."

"At least grab a pillow." She whispered as her eyes closed again.

Opie smiled and did exactly that. There was a certain comfort to their conversation, a familiarity that settled him, made him feel at home. He wished he could stretch out next to Nelly and his boy, take a load off without feeling guilty, without feeling like he was betraying Donna. Even though he knew it was for the best, when he headed for the couch, he did so reluctantly.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

As Nelly predicted, the word of her overnight stay at Opie's house soon got to Jax. She wasn't surprised to see him pull up to her house a few days later on a warm fall afternoon, while Molly and Toby were blowing soap bubbles on her porch.  
>"Hey, guys!" He smiled at the kids. They smiled back and went on playing. The blonde biker turned to Nelly. "I need to talk to you, darling."<br>"Keep the sweet talk for the hoes, Teller." She was anxious to know the reason for his visit.  
>"You've got a tongue on you!" He hooted, as he propped himself on the porch railing next to Nel. "Does Opie know?"<p>

"What is it you want to talk about?"

"If you think it's about the rumours that you've been staying the night at Ope's, well, it ain't."

"So you've heard."

"Sweetheart, the whole town knows."

"It's a sad state of affairs when this town has nothing better to talk about than false rumours." She reminded herself that she knew the truth of it and he didn't. She met Jax's gaze with a steady eye. "Not that it's any of your business, but nothing happened, Jax."

"I believe you."

"Then what is it?" Nelly asked impatiently, still anxious.

"Opie's been reckless on the job lately. Taking unnecessary risks." Jax kept his tone light, but his forehead was creased with worry. "I've told him to shape up, but he's in denial. I thought maybe you'll have better luck talking to him. For some damn reason he won't listen to anyone, but you."

"So you need me to do you another favour?"  
>"Do <em>him<em> a favour, and ask him if he has a death wish." Jax voice became serious. "Remind him he's got two kids to think about."

Nelly's blood turned to ice. "I'll see what I can do."

Jax nodded in thanks and turned his attention to Molly and Toby. "How are the kiddies doing?"

"Mostly subdued and miserable, but that's to be expected."

"They seem happy enough."

"They do now, not so much when they wake up in the middle of the night crying and wanting their mom."

"Is that why you stayed?" Jax's eyes were thoughtful on hers. Nelly nodded once in reply and some of the ice between them thawed.

"Opie's been really good with the kids," she told him quietly. "Between Donna and being locked up for the last five years, it hasn't been easy for him to reconnect, but he's making an honest effort. He's a good dad, Jax, but he's a single farther in your line of work and he needs help."

"You're preaching to the choir, sister." He gave her an ironic smile and Nelly smiled back, realizing Jax was a new dad himself. He watched the kids enjoying the bubbles and added, "Ope and the kids are lucky to have you."

His comment struck her mute for a moment and then prompted a thoughtful question, "Why the change of heart, Jax?"

"If it means Ope is home, where he belongs, it's all good." Jax smiled, his usual charm back on. "You're good to him, you're good to his kids. Everyone deserves a second chance."

"Are you speaking from personal experience?" Asked Nelly lightly, thinking of his reunion with Tara.

He gave her a sly smile as he replied, "So I am."

A perfect opportunity to pick up the topic of Ope's death wish had presented itself that very evening, when he came home sore and half deaf from blowing up the meth lab. Jax called Nelly ahead and filled her in on the details. She had all the ammunition by the time Opie walked in the door. After a long shower he got a beer from the fridge and he sat down by the kitchen table. He let Nelly attend to a few cuts that peppered the back of his neck. Strangely, he found it soothing and relaxed under her touch. As she washed wounds and applied bandages, Nelly said evenly, "I'm not your old lady and don't have the right to nag you, but Jaxed asked me to talk to you about this death wish you seem to have."  
>"So you're doing his dirty work again?" He hated it when they ganged up on him.<p>

"Come on, Opie, he's worried about you, and that stunt you pulled today just added fuel to fire. And now that he told me about it, I'm worried too." He saw real concern in Nelly's eyes, and felt bad for being an ass.

"I'm sorry, Nelly," his voice softened, "I swear to you, I don't have a death wish. Working hard helps me forget, kills the pain." He saw it was a tough sell, but he almost had her convinced.

"Jax asked me to remind you that you have two children who need their daddy."

"I'll be more careful." Opie's promise was in earnest, but he knew that another day would bring another job and he'd do it all over again. He didn't want to die, but he still felt hollow and numb, a shell of a man he used to be. He found it difficult to comprehend why would it matter to anyone whether he lived or died.


	11. Chapter 11

_Warning: strong language/profanity used._

**Chapter 11 – **Can't Find My Way Home**  
><strong>

In time, during the autumn and winter months, they fell into routine where Nelly would run Opie's household and look after the daily necessities of his kids, while he provided her with whatever she needed to accomplish those tasks. Almost every time he came home late at night, she'd still be there, and they would settle at the kitchen table over dinner or share a bottle of beer, and talk. They talked about the events of their day, the kids, the troubles of SAMCRO, and planned for the day ahead. This nighttime shelter of quiet conversations crafted a new kind of intimacy between them, it helped them come to grips with this new world and new life, it healed their pain. And then, after sharing their thoughts, Opie and Nelly always retreated to their separate beds in separate houses. As he walked Nelly to his front gate, and watched her cross the street and disappear into her house every evening, Opie's instinct told him that there was something wrong with this picture. He found himself longing for Nel during those brief times when she was away.

The club's holiday party was happening in a few days and Opie really wanted Nelly there with him. She had been attending family dinners at Gemma's since that day she confronted him at the clubhouse, and Opie knew that Gemma and others were fond of Nelly, but her coming to that party was his way of letting the club know that she was important to him.

Nelly flat out refused. "Dinners at Gemma's are about family, this is something else. Only Sons' old ladies and sweet-butts attend those."

"Then I'll tell them you're my sweet-butt." He joked, but blushed as he did.

"You wish." She too blushed as she ribbed him in return, then added, "Anyway, kids and I have a date with Toy Story."

Despite his teasing, he felt disappointed that she wouldn't come. To be honest, he only went because he was expected to show up. He drunk too much, he talked too much, and for some reason attracted attention of a porn star from LuAnne's outfit, who called herself Lyla and fondled him under the table. It was so easy to loose himself in all of it. As he was about to take her to one of the back rooms of the clubhouse, Jax stepped in his way. "What are you doing, Ope?"

"Enjoying myself. Isn't it why you wanted me here?" The alcohol was buzzing in his head, arming him with false swagger.

Jax silently dismissed the girl with a tip of his head and she objected. "Are you going to let him treat me this way, Ope?"

"Yes, I am." Opie gave her a level look, and she left in a huff.

When she was gone, Jax said, "I want you to be happy again, brother. Is this going to make you happy? A quick fuck with some whore?"

Opie glared at him. "You're the one to talk, Jax."

"Yeah, I am. Don't make the same mistakes I've made." He shook his blonde head, disappointed. "You've got a good woman at home with your kids, Ope. Go to her." Then he turned around and melted into the party.


	12. Chapter 12

_Warning: Strong language/profanity._

**Chapter 12 – In Repair  
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Nelly fell asleep next to Toby again. The dreams of his mom returned and he kept waking up calling for her. She woke up around midnight and found the house quiet. She was sure Opie was still at the party and was surprised to find him dozing on the couch, his tall frame barely contained, still in his kutte and reeking of bourbon. It was a cool winter's night and even with all that alcohol in him, he must have been cold. She remembered an extra blanket in his bedroom and covered him with it. As soon as it touched Opie, he woke with a start, his eyes wide with confusion.

"It's only me, Opie." She put a soothing hand on his shoulder, and he gave a sigh of relief. "I'm going home."

She turned to leave, but Opie couldn't bear to see her go and grasped the hand that just touched him. "Stay," he said, and then looked into her eyes as she watched him carefully for a long moment. There was so much contained in this one word. His longing for companionship, his desire for a new life, for the end of pain. The drink had lowered his inhibitions, it striped down the carefully held control over his feelings.

"Please stay." He repeated as she hesitated.

"I can't, Opie."

"I need you here, Nelly."

"And I'm here as much as I can." He saw it in her eyes, that she understood his meaning and avoided it.

"You know what I mean."

She pulled away and retreated a few steps. "We're not sixteen anymore, Harry."

"Do you think I haven't noticed? Do you think I'm trying to go back to what we had then?"

"I don't know what to think, Opie," she said, her voice strained with anxiety.

He sat up and rubbed his face hard, trying to clear his head, banish the alcohol fog.

"I'm beginning to crack, Nel. I'm becoming this hard-drinking, sweet-ass fucking biker, and it's never been me. I can take the violence, the demands of the club, but I don't want to loose myself and I'm beginning to feel like it's coming. I don't want to become Tig, Nelly."

He felt tears prick his eyes. Bearing his soul was not easy, especially when he saw the pain and concern in her face.

"Opie..." She breathed a long sigh, as a lone tear rolled down her cheek.

"I miss belonging to someone. It grounded me, it made me whole."

"You've got your kids to come home to. They are more important than any woman could ever be."  
>"I need more than that, Nelly. I need you."<p>

"You miss Donna." her voice caved in as the name came out and tears overwhelmed her.

"Yeah, I do. I miss her. But she's gone and my marriage wasn't exactly... happy. She wasn't you."

"Please don't go there, you'll regret it." Nel closed her eyes and shook her head as she said that.

"Yeah, I probably will..." He knew he would, but continued, he had to get it out. "I'm drunk and heartbroken. But it doesn't change how I feel about you. You've been taking care of us for a long time. You've seen what I do, you love my kids." He saw she agreed, but he also recognized weary cautiousness. He had to be bold to convince her. "And you care about me."

He watched as her eyes softened with tenderness, but then she composed herself, made some kind of a decision. Nel bent down to his level and rested her hand on the side of his face as she said, "Sober up, Opie, and if you still want to talk about this in the morning, then we will." Her eyes were honest as she looked into his, "I'm going home now."

He covered her hand with his and nodded in agreement. She was gone a moment later.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13 – One and Only**

The next morning Opie woke up with a hammering headache, which chased away thoughts of anything other than survival. He remembered his conversation with Nelly clearly and knew that everything he said was true, yet in the light of day he felt embarrassed by it. He had no right to offload it all on Nelly: the cracks in his soul, the muddled feelings, his intense need for her. How desperate and pitiful he must have seemed to her, he thought bitterly as he got dressed and put on a coffee pot. The kids were long gone to school, probably scooped up by Piney, or maybe Nelly. Either way, he was grateful to have the house to himself.

Opie knew would have to face Nelly sometime, but it wouldn't be until later in the day. In the meantime he'd find a way to apologize for his drunken rumblings. When he came home at the end of the day, Piney was hanging out with the kids and Nelly was not on her porch. He knocked on the door, but there was no answer. Perhaps she was avoiding him, but Opie couldn't give up, so he checked the backyard and found her sitting on the steps in the back. He sat down next to her.

"I'm sorry for last night. I was drunk and said too much."

"It's ok. I figured." Nelly said calmly, indifferent.

Her reaction made him realize how callous his words have sounded. Opie needed to explain, make her understand. He took Nel's hands in his, so she'd hear him out, and found them icy cold. That distracted him. "You're freezing," he whispered as he brought them to his lips and blew warm air into her cupped palms. Opie felt Nel shiver and he didn't hesitate as he put his arm across her narrow back and pulled her closer to his side. She didn't resist, her head leaning into his shoulder. And sitting like this, holding her, felt to him like the most natural thing in the world. The big man didn't want to interrupt the moment, but he had to tell her what he came here to say. Opie tilted up Nelly's chin, so he could look into her eyes as he said. "Of all the things I said last night, I stand by one. I care about you, Nelly. I want you in my life, if you'll have me, but I don't want you to do it out of pity." The hope he heard in his own voice scared him.

She pulled away from him and, touching his face, looked at him tenderly. "Pity has nothing to do with it, Opie. I fell in love with you again."

The big man felt relief flood him when he heard those words. He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it thankfully. His relief was short-lived, as she continued, "But I need you to be sure that it's me you want, me of here and now, and not the girl from the past. That you want me not because you and Molly and Toby need me, but because you love me. Until you are sure, we can't be anything more than we are now, Opie. The stakes are too high."

It didn't take much thinking for him to realize Nel was right, and he nodded in agreement. The big man was convinced that his feelings were true, but he was treading on thin ice, and nothing short of absolute certainty would do.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14 – Try (Just a little bit harder)**

It was a night in early March and another of Gemma's dinners. Nelly had attended many of them in the last few months and was gladly welcomed into the SOA family. The transition was made so much easier by the fact that Nel had been part of that circle in the past, when she was friends with Opie, Jax and Tara in high-school. Tonight's dinner was about healing, about taking the time to enjoy the few good things left in their lives, while one crisis after another raged around Sam Crow. When Nelly and Opie arrived at Gemma's house, kids got themselves busy playing with Abel, and she joined Gemma and Tara in the kitchen. Jax got Opie a cold beer and they stood in the far corner of the room, chatting. Chibs and Bobby were sitting with Tig and Piney at the table, waiting for food, while Kip was getting them another round of fresh drinks. Everyone was relaxed, enjoying the mellow evening with their friends. This is when Juice strolled in, as proud as a peacock, with the porn star Lyla on his arm. Jax swore under his breath and made a few determined strides towards him. In the meantime, Lyla noticed Opie, detached herself from Juice and made a beeline to the tall man.

Juice was a computer wiz, but far from being the brightest crayon in the SOA box.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Jax berated him as soon as he reached him.

"I asked Gemma if i could bring a girl, and she said more is better."

"I don't think she meant her."

"She didn't ask." Juice protested.

"You're a fucking moron sometimes," Jax scowled, "You better tell your date to leave or my mother will blow her top."

"Well, she's with me now, so..." Juice was determined, if not very convincing. Jax just shook his head in disgust. He knew that tart was after Opie for a while, making a play for him at the last club party, which he managed to break up. He decided to alert his mother.

Meanwhile, Nelly was chatting in the kitchen with Gemma and Tara, while they put final touches on the dinner. Tara had recently returned to Charming, and Nelly was happy to spend time with her, remembering the good times and rekindling their friendship. Tara's always been overconfident and self-righteous, which many people found off-putting, but Nel liked that about her. Her attention was turned to Jax who approached his mother and, with a nod of a head, whispered something in her ear. Nelly followed the direction his head indicated, and watched unsettled as a blond girl in a skimpy outfit assaulted Opie with her charms.

Tara came to stand beside her and they looked on together for a moment. "The drawback of being a woman in this family is having to stand up for what's yours." She said quietly to Nelly with a meaningful look.

They watched Gemma turn her attention to the blond stranger, as she whispered, "That fucking porn slut," then head in the girl's direction. Nelly was close enough to stop her. "Let me, Gemma."  
>Gemma looked at her with a mix of surprise and concern in her eyes. "Are you sure, honey?"<br>"Yeah," said Nelly, with a determined nod, and made her way in Opie's direction.

"Well, look who it is..." Lyla smiled at Opie. He was irritated and resentful of her presence. He crossed his arms over his chest as she approached him, unconsciously making a physical barrier between them.

"I could say the same. Why are you here?"  
>"I came with Juice." She pointed behind her, and then gave him a very naughty look. "But I'm planning on leaving with you, so we can finish what we've started."<p>

"Not a chance." He kept a safe distance from the girl. "Stick with Juice, he's a good guy and will treat you right."

"Oh, come on, big man, you liked me well enough at the party."  
>"That was then, and I was full of Jack D." He looked her in the eye darkly, weary of the reminder. "Things are different now."<p>

"You have no idea what you're missing..." She whispered with a wanton smile, her fingers twirling her hair extensions.

"You're wasting your breath."

The rigid set of his shoulders, the tightly crossed arms, the grim look on his face made clear to Nelly that Opie wasn't engaging in that conversation gladly. She gave the tall man an easy, warm smile as she approached him. Opie's arms relaxed and fell to his sides. She grasped his hand instinctively, their fingers intertwining. He looked at Nelly relieved and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. Felling reassured, Nel turned to the girl. Her voice was cool, but composed. "I don't think we've met. I'm Nelly."

"Lyla." said the blond girl, flipping her hair, haughty and defiant.

"You came here with Juice, right?"

"So?"

"Well, it's considered bad manners to come to a party uninvited and then leave your date to seek another."

"That's none of your business."

"It is, since you are disrespecting people I care about. You are being rude and haven't endeared yourself to the women here."

"Who are you? Opie's old lady?" Lyla sneered.

Nelly looked up at Opie, his eyes relaxed as they held hers, and they shared a small smile. She replied calmly, "Opie and I have been friends for a long time," and felt gratified in having staked her claim. She turned to the girl again, "Gemma would like you to leave."

"Well, she'll have to make me. I'm here with Juice."  
>Nelly felt her patience wear thin. "And Gemma's the queen of this castle. You can leave now with some dignity, or she'll throw you out personally. And that won't be pretty, believe me."<p>

"You can't bully me." The girl raised her chin indignantly.

"The choice is yours." Nelly took a calming breath and continued. "This is a family dinner and we don't want a scene. These guys come here to relax after a long day of hard work. They don't need the drama."

Opie nodded, his eyebrows knotted grimly. "You should go."

Seeing as she had no foothold on Opie or the situation, the girl said unconvincingly, "Your loss," and stomped off from the room and out the front door.

Juice looked on in dismay, but didn't go after her. "Thanks a lot!" He called out to them, hurt.

"You're welcome," replied Opie with mischief in his eye. From the kitchen, Gemma and Tara gave Nelly satisfied smiles.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15 – Make you feel my love **

In the constant need to rid Charming of Zobelle and his Aryan army, Sam Crow made alliances where none were before. One of them was with the Chinese who, shorted by Clay on the guns, asked another favour. It involved pressuring a judge into making a judgement in their favour. The job was simple enough when Clay handed it down to Opie: go to judge's house and threaten his son with harm until the man caves in. No one expected it to get as fucked-up and messy as it did. The son of a bitch had no love for his junkie kid and would rather see him killed than give up his integrity. Opie's rage at the heartless bastard almost got the best of him. But thankfully, Jax and his brothers was there to salvage the situation. In the end, Bobby found a shrine to the judge's dead wife, and the Sons used it to break him.

When Opie returned home at dawn, he was a fragile shell of himself, barely keeping it together. He walked into a quiet house and headed straight for his kids' room. Opie watched them sleep peacefully from the doorstep, as he kept thinking what kind of a father would rather give up his son than one stupid judgement, and a wave of love for his own children overwhelmed him. Regardless of what mistakes he's made in the past, Opie knew he was a better father, a better man. He slowly stripped off his boots and toque as he headed to his bedroom. He expected Nel would be there, as he convinced her that the job would take all night and she should rest comfortably. As soon as he saw her, sleeping in his bed, he felt a sense of peace and the need to be close to her.

Opie laid down next to Nelly, their bodies facing each other. He took her hand in his and kissed her fingers. She opened her eyes slowly, and the warm, loving smile she gave him melted the hurt and rage in his heart, cleansed him of the night he'd just lived through. She touched his face, stroking his beard. "You ok?" she asked. It became their shorthand for whether he wanted to talk about his work.

Instead of replying, Opie leaned into her and kissed her lips gently. All he wanted to do is protect her, but instead she was his shelter and he lost himself in the comfort of her presence. He shifted and pulled her closer, burying his face in her neck. He felt Nelly's hand stroke his head soothingly and his body relaxed in her embrace. He heard her whisper, "I love you." She was a balm for all his ills, and he drank deeply, holding on for a long time.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16 – The Man in Me

It seemed that there was no end to the rough patch the club has hit. The constant retaliations and watchfulness were becoming unbearable, wearing down Opie and his brothers. But the weight of every act of violence and brutality he's witness or committed during those days melted away as soon as Opie stepped into Nelly's presence. Since she had admitted her feelings for him, his life took on a new meaning, and he was humbled by the effect this woman had on him. This transformation would occur every time he was with her, all his weariness and exhaustion would ebb away and were replaced with simple contentment and happiness. She was like a drug, a high he needed at the end of the day to become a dad, a friend, a man. As plain as day, Opie was strung out on Nelly. And this is when he knew that it was for real. That his feelings for her weren't clouded by his grief and need for comfort.

One fine spring morning, Molly and Toby left for a day at Disneyland with Donna's cousins. His children were happier than Opie thought they would ever be again, and he knew the credit for that belonged to Nel.

The crab-apple trees were in bloom again and their pink petals stirred underfoot as Opie made his way to Nelly's house. He knocked on her door without hesitation, but didn't come in as usual.

She opened the door and he said without a preamble, "Nelly, I came to talk." He could see her guarded smile, the stiff set of her shoulders as she invited him in, and it pained him that she felt nervous. She offered him a cup of coffee and they sat at her kitchen table, silent for a while, neither knowing where to start.

"I think I'm finally ready." Opie said, his eyes intent on hers. "I'm sure that I love you, Nelly, here and now."

Nelly's eyes filled with happy tears as her face relaxed into a smile. Encouraged, he continued. "This is real. I want to be with you, for the rest of my life. Please believe me..."

She leaned over and silenced him with a kiss. "I believe you." And then she stood up and, taking his hand in hers, lead him to the bedroom.


	17. Chapter 17

_Warning: Mature/sexual themes._

**Chapter 17 – Give into me**

They took it painfully slow. Every touch lingered, every kiss was an ember feeding a smouldering fire. Ope was surprised at his patient tenderness, but he knew that this was a rediscovery, their rebirth, and he wanted to savour every moment of it. Nelly stripped him down slowly and traced his tattoos, kissed his scars, and he basked in the warm, loving touch of her hands, the velvety feel of her curves. Their passion was a subdued, but powerful force, its steady fire feeding them all afternoon. And in the end, while he held her in his arms, their bodies still intermingled and sticky with sweat, Opie felt love that overshadowed everything else in his life. Nelly's head was resting on his shoulder, her long leg draped across his hips, her fingers tracing the A inked on his breastbone. He smelled her hair and was thrown back to their first time, their teenage love, their tearful goodbyes, and finally found the courage to ask, "What happened after you left?"

Nelly sighed, but didn't move. "It's a long story and not a good one for pillow talk."

"I've got all day," Said Opie, and then added seriously. "I want to know, Nelly."

"All right." She sat up next to him, pulled on his t-shirt, and began, "Remember how I told you that we left Charming for Colorado to live with my grandparents?"

Opie nodded, recalling the time Nelly came with Donna to visit him in prison, and told him a bit about where she's been for the last ten years. It still didn't account for the sadness, always surrounding her like a cloud.

She continued, "We never went to Colorado. My old man took me straight to Florida, where he owed a bookie some serious money. Since he didn't have it, he used me to settle the debt, sold me to a mobster who ran a strip joint. I was kept strung out and was forced to perform, and this went on for over three years. My daddy made sure his debt was paid." Her voice was almost emotionless, like she was recounting someone else's life, and it scared him.

"Jesus, Nelly..." Opie expected something bad, but not that. He sat up, his anger overwhelming him. "Your own father did this to you? I'll kill that son of a bitch!"

"Whoever put a bullet in his head ten years ago had saved you the trouble." She said flatly.

The big man found it hard to stay still. He got up and pulled on his jeans, started pacing the floor of the small bedroom. "Was there a way I could have helped, pulled you out of this hell?"

"It's water under the bridge, Harry. There was nothing you could have done." She looked up at him with complete absolution.

"Did you try getting in touch with me? With Donna?"

"By the time I could, I was safe, you two were married and she was pregnant with Molly."

"I remember that." He whispered thoughtfully. That and a long forgotten pang of guilt.

Nelly reached out to him. "Now, do you want to hear the rest of it or not?"  
>He grasped her hand and sat down against the headboard, pulling her close to him. "Yeah, tell me everything."<p>

"After a while, I've met this kindly customer. He was rich, middle-aged, and nice enough. He offered to buy me out if I promised to become his girlfriend. Finally, it seemed like there was a light at the end of the tunnel and I agreed. He took me home to this upscale gated community, and then turned me into his personal slave. I didn't leave the house for six months." Opie's stomach turned as he listened, blood boiling in his veins. He cursed internally and his muscles flexed in futile anger, but he only held Nelly closer and focused on her words. "The stupid bastard got off on asphyxiation, and one day I just decided to ignore his safe word, twisted the cord a little too tight. I took whatever cash he had at home, close to a hundred grand, and then set his bedroom on fire."

"Did he live?" Opie asked, hoping he could still extract his revenge.

"I don't know, but he never came after me." Nelly whispered. He thought he needed to shield her from the brutal world of SOA, but she's been through so much worse. "I took a Grayhound to Atlanta and spent a year in a women's shelter sobering up. With the money I took I got a degree in special education in Texas and then I finished teacher's college in Phoenix. I worked for a few years in Arizona, then came back to Charming and never looked back."

For a moment Opie felt overwhelmed by the weight of what he just heard, and awed by Nelly's courage and strength to survive. And then he asked one question he always wondered about, "Why Charming?"

Nelly took in a deep breath and let it out slowly before she answered. "This is the only place I've ever been happy. It's where I still had a real friend in Donna." She looked into his eyes and cupped his face with her hand, tracing the shape of his lips with her thumb. "It's where I left the only man I ever loved."

Opie leaned down and kissed her, deep and sweet. "I swear I'll never let anyone hurt you again."

She smiled as she kissed him back. "I know."

The End.

_Thank you all for reading and reviewing. This story came together in a short time, like magic, which doesn't happen to me often. Currently, I'm working on prequel, which will tell a story of how Harry/Opie and Nelly met in high school, of their coming of age in the seventeenth year of their lives._


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